original post that inspired this excerpt. read this. https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=10213441486499973&set=p.10213441486499973
written in November 2019
A normal yet often undiscussed part of our Deaf community. There are so many different forms of deaf anxiety and it is so, so real. Growing up Deaf in a hearing world comes with a lot of feelings and experiences. A lot.
Trauma, and survival.
Feelings of being invisible, and self discovery.
The fear of being a burden, and the drive for knowledge.
The loss of information, and the expansion of imagination in its absence.
The little daily things, all the time, constantly, all add up to a lifetime of thoughts and beliefs that affect how we think and live.
It affects all of us differently but there’s always a layer of similarity in our human need to be listened to, and loved, as people with an absence of a sense that society views to be a necessity while it’s really not. Deaf anxiety in its many forms is so real and so internalized in us Deaf people that we might not even realize that it’s been affecting the way we’ve been thinking and living throughout our entire lives even to today.
I’m so grateful that my parents decided to learn sign language and focus on my ability rather than my disability. I’m grateful they finally let me choose whether I wanted to wear hearing aids or not. My choice. I’m grateful that I was able to give up on speaking a long time ago and not be shamed for it. I’m so grateful to be able to feel confident in my own language and supported by my own community. I’m so grateful to be a part of a culture that includes me, and listens to me, and doesn’t make me feel invisible. I’m so grateful to discover my potentials, be fully myself, and feel this confidence and this pride of being me.
Deafness is not a bad thing. It’s beautiful. It’s a blessing. There are many gains. There are many struggles. Because many people’s views on Deafness are misguided. Many systems are not designed for us. But there are so many ways they could be. So many structures, languages, support systems, communities here and ready. So many ways we can rise and thrive, with this access and the support and the belief in us and our ability. I wish I had the ability to give all Deaf children, and all children, in this world that gift. But I cannot, and so here we navigate through it, here we try to prevent parents from obeying misguided notions, to give lost souls a sense of home and identity.
Listen to each other’s stories, and share yours if you are ready. There are so many of us that grew up in primarily the hearing world surrounded by moving mouths and not many hands, but all of us live in that same world. With sign language and support, and without the constant pressure of fitting in and being something we’re not, and always feeling like we’re a couple steps behind and can’t quite keep up, we can be ourselves. We can keep up. We can push forward and understand everything and share whatever we want. There are so many out there that haven’t been given access to and haven’t found their way to signing communities. And this world of signing, of beautiful flying hands and facial expressions and poetry impossible to convey in mere words, can be for anyone, everyone, to learn and join, and respect. And I would love anyone, everyone to learn this as we build a world that embraces humanity, neurodiversity, ways of being and living. I want you to know that you and your story are important. I see you. You are valued. It is okay to live life and express yourself in your own way, not in a way others believe you should.
Do you, be you, and embrace you and also don’t forget to recognize and analyze what has made you… You.
