Splashing color proudly, brightly, beautifully.

The notion of spilling the paint, the truth of who we are, despite the fear of disapproval of the “stain”… That is an act of liberation.

Because our hearts, if they weren’t caged by bone, would burst beyond measure. The energy of our love, our vibrant queerness, is big and infinite.

Sometimes people dwell on the definition, the concrete explanation of something. What something means… What does it be to be queer, to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community? To me, that’s such a big and beautiful question because it’s not as simple to me as calling myself “a cisgender woman who likes people of all genders. or a woman who can have a sexual attraction to someone based on their personality regardless of their gender.” Yes, that’s part of it, most definitely, but… it’s so beyond that.

It’s not even about skin to skin or the physical stuff or attraction in the sense of the “omg, my knight in shining armor has rescued me and omg, it’s a nonbinary person or a man or woman or…” or the shape of bodies or body parts. to me, that’s such a basic, superficial way of looking at it. it’s about the fullness of humans and their ability to inspire, make us laugh, make us think, bring a unique personality that no one else can match. and it’s an appreciation of humans above and beyond the box that has been established – that I should only limit my sense of attraction or appreciation or openness to only these people of a specific body or identity or whatever.

today, I’m here to write about queerness as a state of being, the way I live, the way I think, with an air of allure and appreciation for people’s souls, energies, and the way I carry and perceive myself. there’s so much that cannot be touched but felt. you know? At least that’s me.

I guess what I’m saying here is I believe nothing can truly clearly define something in clean-cut boxes and specificities… because there’s only so much specific language can cover. as we wave rainbow flags with pride, a symbol of who we are, it also symbolizes a wide, beautiful spectrum of light – of our spirits, beings, identities. You know how rainbows are made? as light reflects on water, a electromagnetic spectrum with different wavelengths of light is created; a rainbow comes to life. we are analogous to nature.

So how can we possibly specifically describe this intensely real phenomenon in science, in spirit, in layman’s terms? each person has the power to take this into their own hands, to call themselves what they’d like. That’s the beauty in it.

With that said, I’m going to attempt to share just a tiny bit of what this vastness of being queer means to me.  

Being queer is… 

Being open to all that life, and people, radiate, emit, and are. 
allowing myself to dive into a full realm of emotions, experiences, and states of being.
the power of challenging the status quo.
the sweetness of being gentle with myself. 
overcoming the rules of what “should” be, and embracing possibilities.
the exploration of beautiful differences within and around me. 
rejecting what the mainstream teaches me – and pulling the wool over my eyes.
finding beauty in skin, interior energies, personalities, words, perspectives, bodies, accents.
appreciating individuals, as a whole, in different levels, beyond the “cover”. 
feeling a deep sense of love for self and world. 
being a SPECTRUM of what it means to be human, beyond the box of being a person who should love specific kinds of people and should act a specific kind of way.
joy. sunlight. messiness. layers. expansion.

Being queer is… a state of mind. A state of being.

To describe love itself… is impossible. To describe HOW we love… cannot be confined simply to “who” or “what kind of people” we love. I am in a monogamous relationship with the love of my life and the kind of love we have is for just the two of us to experience – I’m blissfully head over heels in love with him and look forward to continuing our adventure and life together. I could and would write a whole book about that kind of love itself, seriously! But now now, of course that doesn’t take away from the CORE of my soul, of who I am, of my history, of my openness – the inner child who found herself curious, free, dancing away with different ideas and adventures and roles and friendships. It doesn’t take away from the fact that I am queer, bisexual, pansexual, full of wonderment and color and an appreciation of all kinds of people, and have been ever since I was a child. It doesn’t take away from the fact that I can still love people. Our understanding of “love” is often so limited but the truth is, we can live in a way that’s aligned to love in all of its forms.

Here’s to the girl who was tamed, but also untamed, from the confines of roles, expectations, and rules – but also was so gripped by them for so, so long – and of course, there are still some grips on my mentality that I’m overcoming, like my worth and work and perfectionism and blah. It’s been a journey, of a mind learning to unlearn, a soul feeling bigger than its body, and the journey of how to BE when the mainstream is often so limited to things that design things to be mere ideas and concepts you can “easily explain and understand”…. when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I dreamt of frogs the other day. I looked up its spiritual meaning. Frogs are a symbol of transformation, rebirth, + renewal. this google result told me “You’re facing a personal transformation, new beginnings, and major life changes. Like a tadpole evolves into a frog, you’re about to experience an evolution of your mind.” As someone who uses butterflies as a metaphor for life itself, I couldn’t agree more – it’s an ongoing process, this evolution, this metamorphosis, because our selves are things that never reach a final form. we are massive, immeasurable, in all we are and continue to become.

as I write this, I think about what I truly want for our world is a collective state of being where we can, as individuals, center ourselves in love, as in a more expansive, welcoming, supportive, adaptive sense where we explore and embrace our gifts and differences. imagine a frog frolicking on its own damn lilypad. the act of setting boundaries, with our time, bodies, space, and energy, here’s to a world where we can focus on healing, joy, and play alongside productivity, community care, social justice. here’s to leaping in the puddles and indulging on flies, basking in the sun, both on our own, and with our loved ones.
that’s the dream, yeah?

the way I see it, we each are significant, and fleeting, and beautiful, and complex, and here. flickers. stars, in this great big land, and the light in the dark comes from those millions and millions of tiny specks. you know? we’re all connected, and yet so distant, but we’re all here in this sphere of a home. sometimes we feel like we need to find this great grand purpose, the reason for life, who we’re destined to be or what we’re meant to do. But what if… you were perfectly ENOUGH? What if you are perfect just the way YOU are, as a vast spectrum within a beautiful being? whether you can define it, and/or not?
and whatever your response is, as we continue to uncover, explore, and embrace, whatever, whoever you are in this present moment is precious, valuable, beautiful, and important.

here’s your sign to… be honest, be brave, be yourself, make mistakes, keep learning, explore, be gentle with yourself, set boundaries, say no, say YES, do what you love, change what’s not working, allow yourself to feel and experience everything you are experiencing.

Come as you are, do what you love.

Live in a state of being, a state of mind that makes you feel whole, free, proud, confident, strong and beautiful.

And if you’re not quite there yet… (we all go through waves, periods…) here’s a reminder that it’s about progress over perfection.

you’re a beautiful work in progress, and let that be your accomplishment today – in surviving, in being your best, and in embracing your evolution. That’s an amazing feat.

let’s CELEBRATE. let’s keep splashing color with no shame, and honor love in all its forms, and be who we are… whatever that means, ALL that means. 🌈